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Monday, September 29, 2008

MPD ribbons vs. military awards.

Has anyone ever noticed how our ribbons are similar to those awarded by the United States military? Could we be disrespecting the men and women who earned these ribbons? Could we be violating a federal law?

Title 18 U.S.C., Section 702 states the following:

Whoever, in any place within the jurisdiction of the United States
or in the Canal Zone, without authority, wears the uniform
or a distinctive part thereof or anything similar to a distinctive
part of the uniform of any of the armed forces of the United
States, Public Health Service or any auxiliary of such, shall be
fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or
At the least, I feel we are disrespecting those who served in the armed forces and received the Purple Heart medal. We get a "Purple Heart" like ribbon for not wrecking a squad car. What the hell is that? Who's idea was it to add more items to our uniform? Could it be someone who never served in the military? Could it be the same someone claiming to have "walked through rice patties in Vietnam"? What a disgrace.

Update on the A/D.

As I stated in the last post, I was unable to verify all of the information submitted by the tipster. I just received information from a source that had first hand knowledge of the incident. The below e-mail was edited to conceal the identity of the tipster:

Hey Dirk don't mean to disappoint but the accidental discharge story is completely false. the female officer was taking her weapon out of her holster to adjust her gun belt and she had an accidental discharge in to the door of the squad car. no one was hurt or taken into custody. no one from the 12th floor made it either. no high level brass made the scene. just ###### and the officer, Lt, and two iab investigators. it was strictly an accident and the officer took complete blame and knew she messed up. how many of us would admit that we are wrong and take the pill. every body screw ups every now and again. i will try and keep informed as much as possible and am very interested on how you respond to having bad info on your site. i am huge supporter and good luck to you in your future endeavors. also promotion test rumored in April just in time for chico jr to eligible. later

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Accidental discharge.

We are still trying to track down the information on an A/D committed on duty. We received an e-mail, but have not been able to confirm anything. Maybe this is another cover up for an officer that has the right connections. If anybody has the inside scoop, please comment.

Hey Nico/Dirk

Did you hear about the accidental discharge at Crump and Phelan in the west end? All the details I have heard are that a f/b day shift (also west) was working a GHSO detail and running radar or supposed to be running radar and had a accidental discharge and fired a shot through either a squad car window or a private vehicle. It all happened about 9pm Monday or Tuesday. Now exactly how do you have a accidental discharge through a car window?

The day it happened all sorts of 12th floorer were called to Crump and Phelan wth a MHA housing LT. I heard through a MHA officer that the female officer was actually under arrest by the MHA Lt. and that was why 402 and the Duty Chief were called there. The MHA officer who told me this wouldn't get his facts wrong, so I'm wondering if this is a cover-up for the day shift officer.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Zazzle backs the Enforcer.

That's right folks. Zazzle has gotten on board with the Enforcer and is now happy to provide you with your Blue Crush apparel. Visit our store front for a good laugh. This offering is just in time for those that will be attending the retirement ceremony. Sport your look and cheese off Dip Dong Chico. What a putz!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

2nd Place.

Hey everybody. I just picked up the Memphis Flyer and found that we were awarded 2nd place in their readers poll for Best Memphis Blogger. I find it ironic that Thad Matthews was voted 3rd! I know many devoted readers do not like Thad and I have issues with some of his postings, but he had a minor role in this blog's creation. Ok, don't stop reading now.

Before this blog was started, I never really new what a blog was or how to operate one. After hearing all of the drama surrounding Thad at the beginning of the year, I went and checked out his blog. I then took it upon myself to learn about blogging and created the MPD Enforcer 2.0.

As most of you old heads are aware, the original Enforcer was hosted on Geocities back in the 90's. The old Enforcer kind of fade away and gave birth to this "2.0" version.

I guess this is my acceptance speech, since I didn't appear last night at the awards party. A big thanks goes out to the original Enforcer crew and the idiots on the 12th floor for giving us fodder. Thank you as well to the men and women that serve along side me everyday. Finally, thanks again to the readers and voters in the Memphis Flyer's Best of Memphis. Dirk.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Blue Crush shirts coming soon!

Chico and the Man may have made a grave mistake by threatening their silly suit over our Blue Crush shirts. Our attorneys have sent the following letter to the company that supplies our shirts:

For those of you keeping score, that's Dirk=2, City of Memphis/GODwin=0.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Abuse of power is in the air!

Where do these assholes come from? The breed of supervisors within the MPD are amazing! Truly, the bloodline has been flawed. GODwin is giving birth to more brain dead leaders by the dozen.

We received unconfirmed information today, that a Major at the S/E precinct (Airways station, whatever) has implemented his own SICK POLICY. Everyone knows that if you are off 3 or more days, you must have a doctor's note upon return to duty. Major Hardy of the Charlie and Delta shifts has imposed a new law with regards to the sick policy. Hardy is demanding that "his" officers bring a note each and every time they are sick! Yep, if you catch a case of the back door trotters (more commonly known as a 24 hour stomach virus), you better see a doctor and get a note.

What kind of lame brained, Dip Dong, dumb shit idea is this? Does he not realize that most of us cannot get to our doctor within 24 hours for a note? This means all of "his" officers will be off at least 2 days (1 sick and 1 for a doctor's appointment). Further, does he not realize that he doesn't have the authority to change the sick policy? Here's the big one........did Chico approve your changes to "GODwin's Law"?

We suggest that the first officer to challenge this policy also file a lawsuit for discrimination against the City, Willie squared, Chico and Major Hardy. You cannot impose your take on the sick policy to a select few who are covered under a greater authority. We sense a duty change for Hardy is in the works. Let's say somewhere around the 200's car number putting the Alpha shift in service.

Major Hardy will probably receive a nomination for AOTM for this.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

E-mail bag

From time to time, we receive e-mails from members of the public seeking career advice. In recent months, I've noticed that officers from all surrounding cities have been following our blog. I would like to post an e-mail that we received from an individual seeking information on the "best" department to apply. Please see below:

Nico, I live in Memphis and have decided to become a police officer, so i decided to do some research on the departments in the area before i made my choice. I cam upon your website in my search and it has caused me concern. You seem as you may be seasoned in law enforcement and i wanted to ask your opinion. Which department (i.e. Memphis, Germantown, Collierville) would be best to apply to? I know each have their flaws but which would be the best choice right now? thanks R*****

I know this will open up a barrage of responses and interaction is what we are about. Comments are still moderated, but 99.9% are being posted. The same lame brained fool from Millington is the cause for moderation. He/she would literally place the same comment 50 times a day. We feel that this junk is a disservice to the readers and would like to keep things simple for all to enjoy.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Thanks readers.

We recently received an e-mail from the Memphis Flyer, notifying us that we were selected as the best blogger in Memphis during their recent pole. They would not say where we placed, but they said we were selected. I think they are waiting for the official release of the list. We did receive an invitation to the awards party, but don't know about going. You know, the whole anonymity thing? Maybe our local attorney may want to go in my place? Anyway, thanks again to you guys and those who voted. This gives us more energy to produce informative articles and not just dick jokes. HAHA!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Vote now.

Hey everybody. As you can see, we have posted the nominees for September. It appears someone at the MPA may be upset, judging by the last names on the list. Oh well, you live and learn.

We will post all of the monthly winners in a new area called "Wall of Shame". During the month of December, we will post the poll for "Asshole of the Year". Somehow, we think Chico will sweep this nomination like he continues to sweep away all of his son's illegal activity. Look for the new "Wall" coming soon.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Never forget.

Today is 9/11/08. A day in which most of us Americans will take time to reflect on the tragedies of the past. A day in which members of the military will spend on foreign soil, defending the freedoms that you and I enjoy today.

The tragic events of 9/11/01 will forever be etched in the memory of most people, not only in the United States, but the world. It was a day in which the world literally came to a stop. The United States was not free from terror as most of us have come to believe. We were more familiar with domestic terrorism and the rampant crime in the city of Memphis. Some believe our elected leaders failed that day, much like the leaders of Memphis fail us everyday.

Please take time today to reflect on all of the events of September 11, 2001. Not only time to reflect on how this impacted the world, but how this has impacted your life. The way you act towards others today vs. the way you acted prior to 9/11/01. The way we treat our fellow Americans today vs. before 9/11/01.

Also take time today to remember our heroes of the day. The first responders, who charged into the belly of the beast, never to emerge again. The faceless men and women who New Yorkers came to know as their protectors.

We, as Memphis police officers, should strive to increase our public opinion regardless of who is bringing down the ship. We should continue to do our job regardless of someones ethnic, race, religious or sexual orientation. The head of our organization my be rotten, but the body can and MUST fight on! We know what has to be done, so lets do it. We are receiving national negative press now, but the negatives can no longer effect the services we provide.

Let us remember how the brave individuals acted on 9/11/01 as they joined together and charged into hell. Memphis has become our hell and we too must join together. United we stand, divided we fall.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Someone from the City of Memphis is trying to sabotage our blog!

Someone located on the City of Memphis government network is behind the rash of recent attacks on the blog. Obviously, Larry couldn't win his illegal lawsuit fair and square. It appears that Chico has resorted to CYBER WARFARE in an attempt to disrupt operations. We have employed advance techniques at monitoring the activity of the City computers while visiting our blog. It appears at least 2 different PCs on their network have been hitting the blog more than 30 times a day.

Number of Entries:
Entry Page Time:
Visit Length:
9th September 2008 16:27:39
2 hours 42 mins 20 secs
IE 6.0
United StatesReturning Visits:
IP Address:
Entry Page:
Exit Page:
Referring URL:
Memphis, Tennessee, United States
City Of Memphis ( suspicious2 [Edit Label]
MPD Enforcer 2.0
MPD Enforcer 2.0
No referring link

We can only assume that it's some stooges from the Real Time Crime Center. They have plenty of time on their hands, since that farce will not deter crime either. One thing is for sure, we know for a fact that it is not Sherman doing this. He still uses a manual typewriter to complete his prostitution reports.

$750,000 to inflate GODwin's ego?

By now, most of you have seen the news reports that Osama Bin GODwin has enlisted the help of Steven Seagal with recruiting efforts at MPD. It will cost the taxpayers of Memphis $750,000 to run an ad campaign with at least one of the four ad units including Seagal. $750,000 could fund an additional 16 new officers for one year. We must ask ourselves, "what is this going to accomplish"? The answer NOTHING!

This dumb ass publicity stunt will allow Chico more face time on the television. This will detract attention from the fact that he tried to force his jack boot on the throat of America with his attack on free speech. Yes, we won that battle and I know it is becoming old news. Mark my words, it's not over. As long as the #1 terrorist in Memphis resides in the ivory towers at 201 Poplar, crime will increase, morale will cease to exist and the taxpayers will have to pour more out of their pockets.

WWW.Herenton, I have an answer for you. An answer that will not cost Memphis the $750,000 to attract, recruit and retain quality officers. I'll break it down for you below:

1. Fire GODwin.
2. Seek outside of MPD for the next Director.
3. Increase the pay and benefits of current MPD officers.
4. Actually back the officers instead of using your authority to bend the law for self-gain, or
5. Fire yourself!

The above suggestions should not cost that much to put in place. An executive search firm will help you find qualified candidates. They will charge you less than the $750k that Chico will spend bolstering his ego.

As for Steven Seagal, I liked him back in the late 80's when his movies were entertaining. He has become an out of shape actor who hides his weight gain under those ridiculous leather dusters. His martial arts moves are now assisted with camera trickery to make them appear plausible. I don't mean to bag on him, but couldn't Chico find someone with more "star power"? I know they use the same hair products and buy their leather chaps at the same outlet, but damn!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Congrats to Bill Woodard.

Congratulations go out to Bill Woodard of the EDU for winning MPD Enforcer 2.o AOTM. We understand that Bill's micromanagement (mismanagement) style has led his winning of this now coveted award.

We are now accepting nominations for September's Asshole of the Month. Please include the reason why you are nominating and also the full name. Initials or last name only will not be included in the voting. There are too many Smiths, Jones, Williams, etc..

Nominations will be accepted until 9/15/08 and the voting will begin shortly after.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Larry is DEFEATED!

Click on the red button to hear Larry's boss tell him his next assignment.

We did it! Chico and the Man are stopping their illegal search for our information through AOL. You can read our press release at the link below:


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Breaking News (again)

Watch Channel 5 news at 6 and 10PM today for urgent news in our case with Chico and the Man. I'm not at liberty to discuss the issue on my blog at this time, but it's a bombshell that will rock city hall. Action News 5 has scooped the rest of the media outlets!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Larry has a real winner for legal counsel.

Chico must have been watching the "Creature Feature" that Jim Hall always discusses when selecting his attorney. When they served the subpoena on AOL in Virginia, they sent the UNSEALED documents through the courthouse. What does that mean? If you have access to the Louden County, VA courthouse, you can get a copy of the City's case. Why seal them from the citizens of Memphis and not the citizens of Virginia? What a dumb ass!!! They are afraid that the citizens of Memphis will see exactly how stupid Larry and his quest are to unseal my identity. Good luck with that Larry. Every courthouse in America is well versed on the importance of free speech, except in Memphis, Tennessee. What an absolute embarrassment. Chico is still asleep at the wheel. Willie is the fox in the hen house and we are all clucking.

Here's the link to the document we filed in court:


This should get the paperwork in Memphis unsealed soon. Stick with us as we will keep you updated. So far, the score is The MPD Enforcer "1,000", CHICO AND THE MAN"0".